No faith in humanity. None. Not even a drop (of pee).
I guess the 8 months I went without posting about The Bathroom at Work was the proverbial calm before the storm.
A storm of piss, that is!
On the toilet seat!!
Even though we have paper toilet seat covers!!!
Assholes, this is a bathroom in an office building. It’s not some bombed out port-o-john at The Gathering of the Juggalos. There’s absolutely no reason for you to hover while you piss. Moreover, if you do end up sprinkling while you’re tinkling, CLEAN UP THAT MOTHER FUCKING SEAT. FUCK.
Oh, and not that you asked—or even cared—but as a shining example of the squeaky wheel getting the oil: the waste bin by the door has been returned. I took a picture for posterity, closure, whatever, but I’m just too worn out to post it now.
It’s been a while since I’ve felt the need to rant about The Bathroom at Work. Everything was going smoothly until some uppity member of the cleaning staff decided to remove the waste bin that was by the door.
This does not mean that we have been left with no place to put our used paper towels. We still have a built-in paper towel dispenser/waste bin combo installed at the back of the bathroom, but that one just isn’t as convenient as having one right by the door.
I guess the women animals I share the bathroom with have decided to express their displeasure with the cleaning staff by throwing their paper towels on the floor in the corner where the bin used to be. I’m just so ashamed of my entire gender right now.
To the “lady” that left a poop splatter on the front inner-rim of the toilet. I’m not even mad; I’m impressed.
But seriously, the reverse cowgirl position should be reserved for the bedroom.
Uhh, I think I can hold it.
As I approached the door to the ladies’ room, I could hear someone inside grabbing way more paper towels than what is needed to dry one’s hands. When I got to the doorway, I looked down to see a spill—coffee, if I’m not mistaken—seeping underneath the door and make it’s way onto the hallway’s carpet, following suit: the aforementioned paper towels.
A friendlier person would’ve opened the door and offered to help. I am not that person; I turned around and quickly made my way back to my desk. Plus, who the fuck takes coffee into the bathroom with them?
I feel like I’ve given the wrong idea about the ladies’ room in my office building. It’s true, sometimes I feel like I’ve walked into a murder scene, or worse, a hippie commune.
But sometimes, my trip to the bathroom serves as a nice respite from work. Take this morning, for example: after using the facilities, I approached the sink to wash my hands and just sitting there - right next to the drain - was a beautiful, shiny, 2008-minted penny.
That totally makes up for the piss and pubes.
It happened again. This is the third time. I want to set the bathroom on fire.
It happened once and I basically had to sit on my hands to keep from tumbling it. “That’s too gross. Too far.” I told myself.
Well, it happened again and I am fucking livid and I don’t give a flying fuck how disgusting it is, I’m tumbling it in the hopes that the guilty party eventually stumbles across this and realizes what a disgusting cunt she is.
I just went to the bathroom at work and the toilet in the first stall had a line of blood beginning at the rim of the bowl, continuing down the front of the bowl, and ending in a small dried-up drop on the floor.
What.the.fuck?
I’m coining a new term: “Drip-dry-no-flush Hippie”
I just went to the bathroom at work and the bowl was full of piss, but no toilet paper. Someone had obviously used the facilities, but - in what I assume was an effort to conserve Earth’s precious resources - decided to forgo wiping with toilet paper and flushing the toilet.
This is a whole new level of “Green” and it’s fucking gross. Wipe your twat and dispose of your waste, you disgusting cunt.
Straight down to the hot place.
To: Despicable Cunt
Subject: The pube and urine you left on the toilet seat
Because of you, I’m considering becoming a Christian. Not so that I can forgive you, but so that I can believe that there actually is a Hell and that people like you will go there when you die.
May you be struck down by His Holiness.
-m
We are headed for a future where all common decency will be replaced with bodily fluids
The building provides you with paper toilet seat covers as well as two rolls of toilet paper. Why then, random bathroom user, is there urine on the seat?
