Edward: Let me tell you something about Jacob. We were best friends in middle school. I know, right? It’s so embarrassing. I don’t even… Whatever. So then in eighth grade, I started going out with my first girlfriend Tanya who was totally gorgeous but then she moved to Indiana, and Jacob was like, weirdly jealous of her. Like, if I would blow him off to hang out with Tanya, he’d be like, “Why didn’t you call me back?” And I’d be like, “Why are you so obsessed with me?” So then, for my birthday party, which was an all-boys pool party, I was like, “Jacob, I can’t invite you, because I think you’re a homo.” I mean I couldn’t have a homo at my party. There were gonna be boys there in their *bathing suits*. I mean, right? He was a HOMO. So then his mom called my mom and started yelling at her, it was so retarded. And then he dropped out of school because no one would talk to him, and he came back in the fall for high school, all of his hair was cut off and he was totally weird, and now I guess he’s on crack.
Kristen Stewart Bites Her Lower Lip A Lot. You know, some people would just notice this and let it go. Instead of doing that, I asked our eternally patient interns and editors to assemble a montage of Kristen Stewart biting her lip. Enjoy.
If you’re taking requests, I wouldn’t mind seeing a compilation of her other nervous tick: touching her hair.
Before you, Bella, my life was like a moonless night. Very dark, but there were stars, points of light and reason. ….And then you shot across my sky like a meteor. Suddenly everything was on fire; there was brilliancy, there was beauty. When you were gone, when the meteor had fallen over the horizon, everything went black. Nothing had changed, but my eyes were blinded by the light. I couldn’t see the stars anymore. And there was no more reason for anything.
I once told one of my more literarily-inclined friends that I considered Twilight to be this generation’s Romeo and Juliet. Obviously, this was an exaggerated and offensive statement. Comparing Meyer to Shakespeare is just impossible; they are leagues apart.
Still, read this and tell me that you don’t feel the same desperation, angst, and longing. So maybe I wasn’t so out-of-line in my comparison.
Lookit, I don’t even like Burger King. In a heated debate about french fries, theirs came dead last—and I had “McD’s fries picked out of a garbage can” on that list.
BUT, I would totally become a VIP member of the BK Lounge if it meant getting my hands on this crown.
